Jokes thread...

[stodag]

This thread should get us all lauphin...
Tell your best jokes (try to keep it clean)..

woke up the other night after hearing a noise, went downstairs to investivate.. it was a rattlin sound coming from the electric cupboard.... "who's there, hello anyone"? I slowly opened the cupboard and there was a man there with a torch about 3 foot tall... "what you doing in there"? I'm the metre man........ lol kkkkk

Tickles me that jk.

What did one computer say to the other? 010101010101010101010

[globe94]

@stodag

boo !

i'll give that joke an 8 out of 10 points

haha..peace!


my turn!

What Hollywood movie is a "Spam" ??


here !


(behold ! my editing skills ! haha)

[stodag]

Ha ha.. nice one.

[Buko Pandan]

Mom, Mom, didn,t you said that if I get high grades from all of my subjects you promised that you'll give me 10 dollars for each subject I pass?

Why of course! son. So how did it go? did you pass in all of your subjects?

Well Mom, this is your lucky day! you can save lots of cash now! I failed them all!

[arg274]

oh man,that one cracked me up! +1

[stodag]

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.

"I'm going down to give blood."

"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"

"About $20."

"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.

The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.

"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"

"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

---

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

lmao

[Buko Pandan]

A couple is about ready to go to bed and call it a night. Then suddenly the husband notices a peculiar photo beside their bed.

Husband: Wow! what a handsome man this guy is! Honey is this one of your friends back in college?

Wife: Oh no, dear that's not one of my friends, that was me before my sex change operation.

[globe94]

2 Friends from a hospital eating their sandwiches..

Guy #1 : Hey ! whats your sandwich today? mine is specially made by my nurse girlfriend, look at this



Guy #2 : meh, mine is just an ordinary bread with peanutbutter, but ! the peanutbutter is from my girlfriend too here in this hospital! so i bet its delicious!
look!




Guy #2 : mmm! tastes good! wanna take a bite?
Guy #1 : Sure! (takes a big bite)
Guy#1: man! its delicious! what brand of peanutbutter is that?

Guy #2 : here, i have the jar, and it says....



Guy #2: Delicious, isn't it?

[NatsuD19]

Two snakes looking for prey... The first snake suddenly asked...
Snake 1: Are we poisonous snakes???
Snake 2: I don't know... So what???
Snake 1: I just accidentally bit my lip...

[Buko Pandan]

(11-17-2013 01:55 PM)globe94 Wrote:  

Honestly, I didn't laugh at the joke, I laughed at this picture, nice quick edit you did there again big bro! ha! ha!

[globe94]

it was a very quick edit.. so kinda blurry right? i didn't noticed ! haha!

[stodag]

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

[ValentineVxx]

Who do people prefer more than Mario himself at a rock concert? Metal Mario!

What did King Dedede said to Kirby?
"Have you ever Met A Knight?"

Just to fill my post lol:

[Buko Pandan]

Sales Lady: Hello Ma'am, have a free taste of our food sample!

Woman: Oh?! a free taste? let me try one....(Spits) Pew!! what is this?!
it tastes like mold!

Sales Lady: There! that's what happens to your food if you don't put it in a refrigerator, so what are you waiting for? buy one of our refrigerators now while supplies last!

[vnctdj]

(11-18-2013 09:44 AM)Buko Pandan Wrote:  Sales Lady: Hello Ma'am please try our free taste food sample!

Woman: Oh?! a free taste? let me try one....(Spits) Pew!! what is this?!
it tastes like mold!

Sales Lady: There! that's what happens to your food if you don't put it in a refrigerator, so what are you waiting for? buy one of our refrigerators now while supplies last!

Haha, you made me laugh